Mohammed Sultan - محمد سلطان
Marriage, Engagement, and Women’s Rights in Islam
Marriage in Islam is presented as a primary source of affection, tranquillity, and mercy. God states in Surah al-Rum:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”
(Qur’an 30:21)
This verse presents marriage not merely as a legal or physical relationship, but as a moral and spiritual union founded on mutual affection, mercy, and emotional security.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also emphasised the importance of marriage as a means of protecting one’s moral character and fulfilling religious responsibilities. Anas ibn Malik reported that the Prophet said:
“When a person marries, he has completed half of his religion; therefore, let him fear God regarding the remaining half.”
This narration is attributed to al-Bayhaqi and is frequently cited to demonstrate the importance of marriage in maintaining personal discipline and religious commitment.
The Prophetic tradition also encourages affection, kindness, and emotional companionship between spouses. Playfulness, kind words, and expressions of appreciation within marriage are not regarded as insignificant matters. Rather, they contribute to strengthening the relationship between husband and wife and are consistent with the Islamic values of compassion and good treatment.
The Qur’anic verses and Prophetic traditions relating to marriage focus on women as partners in a relationship based on mutual tranquillity and respect, rather than merely as objects of marital desire. The central purpose of marriage is not solely the fulfilment of physical needs, but also the comfort of the soul, the establishment of a stable family, and the creation of a relationship in which both spouses treat one another with dignity.
The Prophet also used the metaphor of delicate glass vessels when speaking about women. During a journey, he reportedly instructed Anjashah, who was driving the camels carrying women:
“Be gentle with the glass vessels.”
The expression “glass vessels” was a metaphorical reference to the women travelling with the caravan. The comparison should not necessarily be interpreted as suggesting that women are inherently weak. Rather, it emphasises the importance of gentleness, emotional consideration, and protection from harm.
Such teachings established a moral framework according to which women should be treated with compassion, dignity, and respect. Nevertheless, this honour should not be described merely in romantic terms, such as treating women “like princesses.” From an academic and legal perspective, it is more accurate to state that Islamic law grants women defined moral, financial, marital, and social rights.
Age, Capacity, and Consent in Marriage
One of the most sensitive issues concerning marriage is the age and capacity at which a person may validly enter a marital relationship. Before Islam, as in many ancient societies, marriages were sometimes arranged without adequately considering the wishes, welfare, or maturity of the female party. Girls could be treated as dependants whose marriages were decided exclusively by their families or tribes.
Islamic jurisprudence introduced legal rules intended to regulate marriage and protect the interests of the parties involved. However, classical Muslim jurists differed regarding the marriage of minors, the authority of guardians, and the conditions under which a marital contract could be concluded or consummated.
Consent is an essential principle in Islamic marriage. Numerous Prophetic traditions indicate that a woman must be consulted and that a marriage should not be imposed upon her against her will. A previously married woman has greater authority over herself than her guardian, while a virgin must also be asked for her permission.
Nevertheless, the classical legal discussion regarding minors was more complex than the claim that all scholars unanimously prohibited marriage before adulthood. Some classical jurists permitted a guardian to conclude a marriage contract for a minor under particular conditions, while others imposed significant restrictions or rejected such practices when they caused harm.
Contemporary Muslim scholars increasingly emphasise that marriage requires physical, psychological, intellectual, and emotional capacity. A valid marital relationship should not expose a young person to harm or impose responsibilities that she is incapable of understanding or fulfilling. The objectives of Islamic law, particularly the prevention of harm, protection of dignity, and preservation of welfare, support the establishment of a suitable legal minimum age for marriage.
Ibn Uthaymeen emphasised that a girl should not be married if she is incapable of understanding marriage and its consequences. His view reflects the principle that legal guardianship must be exercised for the benefit of the person under guardianship, not for the interests of the guardian or the family.
It is therefore more accurate to state that a minor’s apparent agreement cannot automatically be regarded as informed consent. Genuine consent requires an adequate understanding of the nature, responsibilities, advantages, and possible consequences of marriage.
Al-Shafi‘i and other jurists also discussed the limits of a guardian’s authority. Although the details differ among the schools of Islamic jurisprudence, the broader Islamic principle is that a woman should not be subjected to a marriage that causes her harm or that she clearly rejects.
The Prophet’s response to marriage proposals made by Abu Bakr and Umar for his daughter Fatimah is also cited in this context. According to reports in Sahih Muslim and Sunan al-Nasa’i, the Prophet indicated that Fatimah was still young before later accepting Ali ibn Abi Talib’s proposal. This report demonstrates that age, suitability, and compatibility were relevant considerations in marital decisions.
Some jurists, including Ibn Shubrumah, are reported to have opposed the marriage of minors on the grounds that marriage should be based on meaningful consent and personal capacity. Contemporary scholars have also debated the subject extensively, often supporting statutory minimum ages to prevent exploitation and protect children from physical and psychological harm.
Accordingly, any discussion of marriage age in Islam must distinguish between classical jurisprudential opinions, modern legal regulations, and the ethical objectives of Islamic law. It would be inaccurate to claim that all classical scholars held a single opinion. However, it is reasonable to conclude that coercion, harm, exploitation, and the absence of meaningful capacity are contrary to the purposes of Islamic marriage.
Engagement in Islamic Law
Before marriage, a prospective couple may enter the stage of engagement, known in Arabic as khitbah. The purpose of engagement is to allow the man and woman, along with their families, to consider compatibility and determine whether they wish to proceed with marriage.
Several meetings may take place within culturally and religiously appropriate boundaries until both parties feel sufficiently comfortable to make an informed decision. Engagement, however, does not constitute marriage and does not create the legal rights and duties of spouses.
The engaged man acquires no authority over the woman. He may not control her movements, prevent her from ending the engagement, demand obedience, or treat her as though she were already his wife. The engagement is merely a promise or expression of intention to marry, and either party may withdraw before the marriage contract is concluded.
The Prophet Muhammad said:
“A man should not propose over the proposal of his brother.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
This ruling is intended to prevent conflict and unfair competition when a proposal has already been accepted or is under serious consideration. It does not mean that the woman becomes the property of the first man who proposes to her. Her acceptance remains essential, and she retains the right to reject or end the engagement.
CEDAW also addresses consent in marriage. Article 16 requires states to eliminate discrimination against women in matters relating to marriage and family relations. Article 16(1)(a) recognises the equal right of women and men to enter into marriage, while Article 16(1)(b) affirms their equal right to freely choose a spouse and to enter marriage only with their free and full consent.
Traditionally, a man seeking marriage approaches the woman or her family and formally expresses his intention. In many cultures, he first speaks to her guardian. However, Islamic sources also demonstrate that a proposal may be communicated directly, provided that the process remains respectful and lawful.
For example, reports concerning Juwayriyyah bint al-Harith indicate that the Prophet communicated with her directly regarding marriage. This demonstrates that speaking directly to a prospective spouse is not necessarily prohibited, although cultural practices and the presence of guardians may play an important role in protecting the interests of the parties.
A woman also has the right to express her interest in marrying a suitable man. Sahl ibn Sa‘d reported that a woman offered herself in marriage to the Prophet. The Prophet did not accept the proposal but did not condemn her for making it. This narration demonstrates that a woman’s initiative in marriage is not inherently shameful or unlawful.
After the parties have met, considered their compatibility, and freely decided to proceed, the marriage contract may be concluded. Until that contract is completed, the engaged couple remain legally unrelated to one another.
Looking at a Prospective Spouse
Islamic jurists discussed the extent to which a prospective husband may look at a woman whom he seriously intends to marry. The purpose of this permission is to allow him to make an informed decision and to encourage affection and compatibility between the parties.
The Maliki, Hanafi, and Shafi‘i schools generally restricted this permission to the face and hands, although there are details and differences within each school. These jurists considered the face and hands sufficient for assessing general appearance while preserving modesty and privacy.
Some Hanbali jurists adopted a broader view, permitting a prospective husband to look at those parts of the body that would ordinarily be visible within the home, provided that there is a genuine intention to marry and no desire for exploitation or indecent observation.
Imam Malik reportedly emphasised the importance of seriousness and propriety in this process. Permission to look at a prospective bride should not become an excuse for men to observe women without legitimate intention. A man should not claim that he is considering marriage merely to justify intrusive or deceptive behaviour.
Some jurists required or preferred the woman’s knowledge or permission, while others permitted observation without prior notice when a genuine proposal was being considered. Nevertheless, from the perspective of dignity, privacy, and contemporary ethical standards, transparency and consent are strongly preferable.
Protecting a woman’s reputation and privacy was an important concern in the juristic discussion. The permission to look at a prospective spouse was intended to facilitate a sound marital decision, not to expose women to repeated inspection or humiliation.
The same ethical consideration should apply to both parties. A woman also has the right to see, assess, and obtain information about the man proposing to her. Compatibility in Islam is not a one-sided judgement made exclusively by the man.
Household Responsibilities and Financial Maintenance
The high status of women in Islam is affirmed through numerous Qur’anic verses and Prophetic traditions. Many unjust practices imposed upon women are rooted in local customs and patriarchal traditions rather than in clear religious obligations.
Islam does not establish domestic service as an unrestricted form of servitude imposed upon a wife. Classical jurists differed regarding the precise extent of a wife’s legal responsibility for household work. Some considered customary domestic contribution part of marital cooperation, while others maintained that a wife could not legally be compelled to perform certain forms of service.
The practice of the Prophet Muhammad offers an important ethical example. Aisha reported that the Prophet used to assist his family in the home, and when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray (Sahih al-Bukhari). His conduct demonstrates that household work is not beneath a man’s dignity and that cooperation between spouses is consistent with the Prophetic model.
CEDAW Article 16(1)(d) recognises equal rights and responsibilities between parents in matters relating to their children. Other provisions of Article 16 affirm equality between spouses in marital and family relations.
However, the concept of equal dignity should not necessarily be interpreted as requiring identical financial obligations in every legal or religious system. Under classical Islamic jurisprudence, the husband is principally responsible for providing financial maintenance, including housing, food, clothing, and necessary living expenses, according to his means.
A wife’s personal income and property remain legally hers. She is not ordinarily required to spend her earnings on the household. When she contributes voluntarily, this may be an act of cooperation and generosity, but it should not automatically remove the husband’s financial responsibilities.
At the same time, contemporary families may agree upon different practical arrangements according to their economic circumstances. Such arrangements are permissible when they are based on genuine consent, fairness, consultation, and the absence of coercion.
It is therefore inaccurate to suggest that any financial contribution by a wife is necessarily unjust. The important distinction is between voluntary cooperation and compulsory financial exploitation.
Protection from Violence and Unlawful Obedience
Violence against women is inconsistent with the Prophetic model of marital conduct. The Prophet Muhammad did not strike his wives or servants. When serious disagreements occurred between him and his wives, he sometimes temporarily withdrew from them rather than subjecting them to physical violence.
The general Prophetic command is to treat women well. The Prophet stated that the best believers are those who are best in character and that the best men are those who are best to their wives.
A wife is not required to obey her husband in matters involving sin, injustice, abuse, or disobedience to God. The Prophet established the general rule:
“There is no obedience to a created being in disobedience to the Creator.”
This principle limits all forms of human authority. Neither a husband, guardian, parent, ruler, nor religious leader may demand obedience when that obedience requires a person to violate a divine command or participate in wrongdoing.
Marital cooperation in Islam is therefore not equivalent to absolute domination. Authority, where recognised, is limited by justice, kindness, consultation, and accountability before God.
Women as Mothers, Wives, and Daughters
Islamic teachings repeatedly emphasise honouring women in their different family roles. Mothers are granted a particularly high status. When a man asked the Prophet who was most deserving of his good companionship, the Prophet replied, “Your mother,” three times before mentioning the father.
The frequently quoted expression, “Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers,” conveys a widely accepted Islamic meaning concerning the honour of mothers, although the exact wording and chains of transmission should be cited carefully in academic writing.
The Prophet also promised great reward to those who care properly for daughters. Various authentic or well-known narrations state that a person who raises daughters with kindness, supports them, and treats them well will receive protection from the Fire or closeness to the Prophet in Paradise.
The Prophet also said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”
These teachings affirm that a man’s moral character is measured not merely by his public conduct, but by the way he treats the women within his own household.
Conclusion
Islamic teachings present marriage as a relationship founded on affection, mercy, tranquillity, consent, and mutual dignity. Engagement does not give a man authority over a woman, and marriage should not be concluded through coercion or without meaningful consent.
Islamic jurisprudence contains differing views concerning age, guardianship, domestic responsibilities, and the extent to which a prospective spouse may be viewed. These differences must be represented accurately rather than reduced to a single unanimous position.
Nevertheless, the broader principles of Islamic law clearly oppose harm, exploitation, forced marriage, financial abuse, and degrading treatment. The husband is responsible for maintenance under classical Islamic law, while the wife retains ownership of her property and earnings. Household life should be based on cooperation rather than domination.
Many contemporary injustices committed against women are better understood as products of social customs, patriarchal practices, or the misuse of religious authority rather than as necessary consequences of Islam itself. Protecting women’s rights therefore requires both an accurate understanding of Islamic jurisprudence and the rejection of cultural practices that contradict justice, compassion, and human dignity.
References
Al-Bayhaqi. Al-Sunan al-Kubra.
Al-Bukhari, Muhammad ibn Ismail. Sahih al-Bukhari.
Al-Haytami, Ibn Hajar. Al-Ifsah.
Al-Nasa’i, Ahmad ibn Shu‘ayb. Sunan al-Nasa’i.
Al-Tabari. Al-Samt al-Thamin.
Ibn Abidin, Muhammad Amin. Radd al-Muhtar ‘ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar.
Ibn Hazm. Al-Muhalla bi-al-Athar.
Ibn Rushd. Bidayat al-Mujtahid wa Nihayat al-Muqtasid, Vol. 3.
Ibn Uthaymeen, Muhammad ibn Salih. Al-Sharh al-Mumti‘ ‘ala Zad al-Mustaqni‘.
Malik ibn Anas. Al-Muwatta’.
Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj. Sahih Muslim.
The Qur’an. Translated by Muhammad Asad. Dar Al-Andalus, 1980.
United Nations. (1979). Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women.
Mawahib al-Jalil fi Sharh Mukhtasar Khalil, Vol. 3, p. 404.
Sharh Sahih Muslim, Vol. 9, p. 210.
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